I found out a few weeks ago that I am getting laid off. It’s horrible timing for my family both financially and regarding heath insurance, but it’s good timing for my soul. I’ve had this writing existence playing in the background of my life for a long time, and now it is time for it to take center stage.
It was always the plan for me to quit my job someday to pursue writing full-time, when we could afford it. But deep down, I know I would have had a hard time quitting no matter what the circumstances. There would be permanent grooves in the road from our dragging feet. The paycheck and the great health insurance were just too secure to give up. I guess I was wrong to think my job as a scientist was more secure than my husband’s job as an entrepreneur.
But security is in the eye of the beholder.
Lately, I’ve had an awful time getting up and going to work. Don’t get me wrong. I love my coworkers. I enjoy the time to use my extensive training and to be an adult, and my boss gave me ultimate flexibility to be there for my family. But the work itself is not my passion. Writing for kids is my passion. The environment is my passion. These two things crept into my psyche when I wasn’t looking and started whispering, “Look at us! Look at us!”
So I did. On the side and in the cracks, I dabbled. I wrote a book. I dreamed of my own business. Pursuing this work awakened a kind of passion in me I didn’t know could exist. My awakening encouraged the whispers to increase their volume. Now, my passions scream at me as I trudge into work at 6 in the morning, “DO US INSTEAD!”
I think that’s called a calling. And the Universe just gave me a swift kick in the pants out the door. No more hovering at the gate, weighing the options, finding the “safe and sensible” path. My job ends on May 31st. I’m excited and scared, but my life is ready for the spotlight and there is no room for stage fright.